14 months today!

 First off, I have never thought I would be one to become a blogger. Not that I am against it. I enjoy reading blogs of my friends and acquaintances. I have just always thought I have a journal for my personal experiences and a face book status for anything awesome I wish to share.So, I don't need one! Well, lately I have had to think again. I have had certain experiences that I have had a desire to share with those close friends and loved ones and I have not felt it sufficient to put it as my status nor was the space needed available to me.
       I have been home from my mission  fourteen months today actually. I think this transformation or reality check, call it what you will started the day I got off my mission. From the hour or so after I got off that plane nothing was as I expected.  My home and family were different than what they had been a year and half before. While I think I did realize that is how it would be  I don't think it really hit home until I arrived home.
       Coming home I had life planned of how I thought it would be, I, like missionaries do in the mission field had a plan of how quickly each of my desires would be fulfilled. Well, lets just say a lot of those desires have not yet been fulfilled in the way that I had originally hoped. The first months following my arrival home I questioned the Lord, "why"? I had done his will, I had done the things He had asked of me in Guatemala.  But, as months passed I realized I was happiest when instead of asking "why" I asked, Lord what do I need to do better? How am I able to serve someone else? What can I work on personally in order to overcome my weaknesses? Now, do I still have moments where I sometimes question?... of course it's only natural because I am human. But, I am finding that those moments are fewer and farther in between.
    So, on Tuesday I was in my Doctrine and Covenants class and my Professor was teaching us about D& C 121 when Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail. My professor stated that a trial is "anything that tests us spiritually." During the class I reflected on that and it was a wonderful lesson. Afterwards, while walking home, this time is often my favorite time of the week because I am able to offer a prayer in my heart to my Heavenly Father and ponder on all that I had learned that day in class. So, on Tuesday as I was walking out of class my Professor gave us a handout with quotes on it to help endure trials.
  The first one I read was the following:
       " God will feel after you and will take your very heartstrings, and He will wrench them, and if you cannot stand it you will not be a fit candidate for the kingdom of God." - Joseph Smith.
   In that moment, I smiled because I knew God knew Ashley Bunting and He knew my trials, He knows my desires, but He also knows what timing is best for me. But, He also knows what He wants me to be, and I know right now He wants me to be just a currant bush. (see video The Will of God by D. Todd Christofferson- mormon message).  Looking back on these past fourteen months I am grateful that my desires did not happen in my timetable because if they had I would have missed out on the amazing experiences I have had. Some good and some bad, but they have helped me to grow and to progress and to ever so slowly start on my path to becoming.....